100 ways to piss off Jareth
by IceCat Demon
Summary: I got sucked up into the Underground... what do I do? WREAK HAVOC!


100 Ways to piss off Jareth

ICD: please R&R

**Disclaimer: i don't own the labyrinth, or jareth, or goblins, or the goblin castle, or anything related to anything listed above... I an only a humble IceCat Demon... i own nothing, it makes me sad... _goes off to sulk._**

Wish yourself to the Goblin Castle.

Steal his stupid little crystal.

Tell him a goblin stole it and hid it in a broom cupboard.

When he goes in to find it, lock said cupboard.

turn on music really loudly and pretend not to hear him shout for help

when he uses his magic to teleport out of the closet, put on his cloak and run around singing "I feel pretty" at the top of your lungs.

When he catches you, lick his arm to make him let you go.

Whenever he complains about something you are doing, act snobby, and say in your best Jareth voice "Such a pity."

Take a nap using his cloak as a blanket.

Burn all of his clothes except for the cloak you are wearing and whatever he's wearing.

laugh maniacally

Run into stair-room (you know, the place that looks like sumtin out of an Escher painting).

When he finally catches you, tell him that Sara's in the Labyrinth looking for him.

When he poofs away, watch him in the crystal and laugh at his frustration.

When he poofs back, hide the crystal.

He obviously sees you hide it, so smash it and laugh maniacally.

When he tries to catch you pop out from behind him and tell him that it was only an illusion.

Run back to the throne room.

Run around and make his cloak billow behind you.

Ask why he insists on wearing nothing but lace, leather, and Spandex.

Laugh when he turns red.

Tell him that only girls wear lace.

Run around the castle shouting "Jareth is a girl!" at the top of your lungs.

Hide in a broom cupboard and throw your voice, making him run randomly around the castle.

Watch him searching in the crystal.

laugh

Tiptoe out of the closet and sit in his throne.

as he trudges into the throne room, try to turn the crystal on your hand

drop it and watch it break

Apologize incessantly, even after he forgives you (or says he does).

When he yells at you to shut up, start crying really loudly.

Use cloak to wipe eyes and blow nose.

Ignore him the first few times he apologizes.

When he finally shouts his apology, squeal "YAY!" and give him a Super-Deadly Crushing Hug of Doom.

While still hugging his neck and crossing your fingers, apologize for all the mean tricks you played on him.

By now, he can't breath. Pretend to suddenly realize this and let go.

When he catches his breath, tell him his long hair is really girly.

Tell him he needs a haircut.

Tell him that you recently graduated from beauty school and can make him look more attractive.

If he refuses, tell him that Sarah will find him more attractive.

Cut his hair really badly and put wash-out pink dye in it.

Don't tell him that it's wash-out.

Show him a mirror.

When he gets mad at you, run away again.

By the time he catches you, his hair, being magical, has regrown, so it's now two-tone.

Laugh at him.

Tell him that pink brings out the colours of his eyes.

Ask him why his eyes are two different colours.

don't let him answer

Somehow escape his grip and yell "Jareth has creepy eyes!" at the top of your lungs.

When you finally see a goblin, scream and run the other way.

Run into Jareth, literally, thus knocking both of you down.

Babble incoherently and cry.

Use cloak to wipe eyes and blow nose.

Randomly stop crying, smack him, and yell "PERVERT!" at the top of your lungs.

When he demands to know why you did that, accuse him of groping your ass.

When he tries to deny it, gasp and say "Sarah will be so heartbroken!"

When he tries to shut you up, shout "PERVERT!" again and smack him again.

He'll get angry and throw you into an oubliette.

Bribe Hoggle to let you out.

Go back to the castle.

Realize that the cloak is now filthy.

Bribe a goblin to clean it for you.

Once it's washed, put it on, still dripping wet, and go off to find Jareth, leaving a trail of water behind you.

When Jareth sees you, run away.

He'll slip on the water.

laugh

run away

cloak is dry now and is billowing behind you.

When he gets close enough, hit him with it.

Let him catch you.

When he locks you in the throne room, foolishly locking himself in as well, yell "Shiny!" and steal the key.

Refuse to give it back.

When he tries to pry it from your hands, bite him.

Eat the key to keep him from taking it.

When he gets in your face and asks why you ate it, yell "MY SHINY!!" at the top of your lungs, thus nearly deafening him.

When he clutches his ears, laugh evilly.

Lick his forehead.

Magically take a fire hose from the floor and spray him with it, washing out the pink dye.

Laugh at his soaking wet-ness.

When he catches you, hug him.

Now that his guard is down, reach into his pocket and steal his other stupid crystal.

Run around the room, screeching victoriously.

When he catches you, gaze into the crystal and say "I can see your future!"

When he asks what his future is, tell him that he will marry a beautiful woman and she would bear him six beautiful children and a duck.

When he asks how this is possible, start quacking.

He'll walk away. Follow him, still quacking.

When he shouts at you to shut the hell up, shout "fine!" and go off to the other side of the room.

Sulk.

Keep sulking until he asks, very calmly, why you're making his life a living hell.

don't answer

When he yells at you to answer, tell him that he didn't say please.

When he says please, tweak his nose and sat "you're cute when you're angry.

Giggle insanely.

This will set him off again and he'll send you back home.

Sulk.

Realize that he's still locked in the throne room and that you still have his cloak.

Wish yourself back to the goblin castle.

Grin evilly when he sees you and runs away in terror.

Improvise and do whatever you want. It's fun to watch him suffer.

**ICD: i'm doing other characters, too, so if you have any ideas for people and how to piss them off, you will be thanked, hugged, and credited for your ideas... Review, pleases!**


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